I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
