not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
