my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
zippers are such a cool invention
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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