what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
