We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
