I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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