like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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