u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Less talking, more tequila
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
