1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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