tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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