i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
