Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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