this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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