Don't make out with my wife yet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
