i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
