he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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