i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dignity is for republicans.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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