We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
