if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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