Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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