You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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