apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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