U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
