the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
