I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
