At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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