Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
