Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
