i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
