he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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