well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
