I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
