i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
