i don't like sucking hair
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
