Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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