one might say we're banned from that church
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
