Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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