I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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