i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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