She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
