My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
