Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
