week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
