What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i dont even know how to be here
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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