i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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