Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
