I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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