I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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