i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
