i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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