Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
