she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
