Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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